There's always some tie that binds in Singapore
By Chua Mui HoongKinship and friendship weave silken ties that bind people to each other with the resilience of spider silk.
How many times have we met someone for the first time and, while conversing, discovered we had mutual friends, or some closer tie. "Singapore is so small," we murmur.
This is the story of Mary, a chatty mother of three, who has many friends and more relatives.
Invited to the 86th birthday of friend Ah Ling's father, she brought her husband John along and discovered the first tie that bound the families.
It turned out that the patriach had been John's shi fu, when he was an apprentice tailor in Chinatown.
The second tie was revelaed a little later during the noisy celebration which was held at home of Ah Ling's brother and his wife Rebecca.
Watching and listening to Mary, Rebecca was reminded of her husband's childhood friend Hong Cheng, now a close family friend.
"Do you a know Hong Cheng?" she asked Mary.
"I have a sister called that. She was given away to one family many years ago and I to another."
Indeed, Mary had not seen her sister for decades, had no idea where she lived, or how she was.
The two women exchanged notes: The ages fitted, as did the family histories. They looked alike; the timbre of their voices was similar. Rebecca was convinced the two were sisters and related some of Hong Cheng's story.
How she had been adopted by the Chans, husband Ah Wai's godparents, and how the two children had grown up as siblings. Hong Cheng was now married with two children.
Rebecca asked Mary for her address and telephone number in case Mary's sister wanted to contact her.
Barely had Mary written her surname, Cheok, when Rebecca remarked: "That's quite a rare name. I know someone called Clarissa Cheok, who went to university with my husband."
Mary laughed. "Clarissa is my daughter."
Rebecca shook her head in disbelief. "What a small world this is."
She called her huband over. "She is Clarissa's mother! And Hong Cheng's sister!"
That made Ah Wai almost a brother to Mary. And, as the son of John's master, Ah Wai was also the shi xiong or disciple brother of John, not to mention the former classmate of his daughter Clarissa.
In one evening, a long-lost sister had been found, an apprentice paid his respects to his former teacher, and the mother of a former classmate had been introduced. And all in one casual encounter, in one household.
The Cheoks have not yet plumbed the full depths of their relationship. There may still be unacknowledged siblings or cousins, or uncles, somewhere.
In a migrant society, such complex relations are not uncommon. Women who had too many children gave some away; adoption and god-parenting were common. Neighbours became family. Patriarchs had several "wives" and each brought a whole different family network.
Go back two or three generations in the typical Singaporean household and such stories abound.
I used to think mine was just a nuclear family: two parents and two siblings. We had no relatives, only old friends, to visit during Lunar New Year.
It was not till I was entering my teens that I unearthed a horde of cousins, aunts and uncles.
I know now that I have a whole family network in China and Malaysia, and will not be surprised to discover more relations I know nothing about yet.
Copyright © 1998 Singapore Press Holdings. All Rights Reserved.
